The man-slut

Did not die yesterday from alcoholism. But am now able to fully remember all sordid and unsordid details.

Was unable to fully execute grand entrance as crowd was very thick and hard to move through. Also, some crowd members were rude and suggestive, therefore ruining effect. Was not big deal, because Paul was nowhere to be seen.

I made myself comfortable near table with finger foods and punch, and felt like summery, yet doleful wallflower in fifties movie. Was enjoying second glass of rather delectable punch and third party size sausage roll, when I saw him. He was outside. Not wanting to appear as rude party glutton or sausage roll hog, quickly wolfed down remainder of punch and ran to back door.

Decided to sexily shimmy past party host as if having time of life - all by myself. Was halfway through sexy shimmy and about two metres from target when I lost my footing and threw self to floor like undignified groupie.
“Whoa! That’s some dance move you got there” Paul said reaching his hand down to me. After grabbing hand and noticing how big and strong it was, I realized a giggling ginger wench had attached herself to the other half of his body. Red-faced and grazed knee-ed, I politely thanked Paul, gave carrot top a death stare and then headed for the drinks table.

In ridiculous attempt to appear attractive, fun and steady on my feet, I embarked on talkathon with any person passing drinks table. Soon discovered the place was crawling with the fuzz. There was a guy from the canine squad, a homicide detective, a traffic patrol guy, a marching band cop (?) and a water police constable. None of other law officers had ginger-ho attached to arm or anywhere else on body and hence eventually cheered me up. Especially when I won very competitive karaoke contest.

By end of night, had realized:

Must have beautiful singing voice or would not have been voted best performer at party.
Is highly likely Paul is man-slut, as acted like man-slut all night.
Delectable punch was in fact delectable due to high alcohol content.

As such, will no longer obsess, fantasize or have bikini dreams about hot bod Paul.