Almost Liberated

Am possibly stupidest woman on earth. Have told horrific, big lie at work – have said I have besotted and handsome boyfriend who bugs me and rings me constantly.

Am feeling as if people like Susie (curly/bubbly blonde accounts girl) and Anne (aka office dragon) are doubting me ( which really they have good reason to considering I am 30-something fat liar).

They are, no doubt expecting I will have no boyfriend at the Christmas in July party next weekend.

Hmmph . Stupid cows…. .

...Shit. SHIT.

Was unable to start rigid exercise plan today, due to cold temperatures and getting up late. Did however, manage buttock squeezes in car on the way to work. Refuse to give up for sake of boyfriend, despite not having one yet.

Am getting very sick at sight of dreary old self in mirror - need to somehow revamp image. Is shame hair is crispy strawball or would have taken quick fix and dyed shit out of it.

Also, am now acting like fattish step mother by forgetting Ella’s playdate this afternoon and instead indulging in long but important phone conversation with Jess about Nazi antics of Anne the office manager at work.

Have rescheduled playdate for tomorrow much to Ella’s delight.

Have been very busy setting up fancy new profession, am now working in posh car dealership as receptionist (is only stepping-stone job, will use to boost self up corporate ladder). At least am far away from stupid cow Lynn.

Also, have finally decided that Paul, whilst sexy , is not soul mate material. Have wasted enough time on frivolous and steamy fantasies concerning unlawful arrests, handcuffs and naked backyard romps. Will now focus on the ‘inner-beauty’ in prospective boyfriends, unless of course prospective boyfriend is cromagnum man, in which case will again consider becoming celibate nun…. Or maybe lesbian nun.

In order to avoid nun plan, will start exercise regime in next day or so and soon be beautiful and sought after girlfriend-type.